Funny Christmas Quotes

SOme funny christmas quotes as the Christmas is only a couple months away..


Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.
~Max Lucado


I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
~Bernard Manning

There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.
~W. J. Cameron


Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
~Anonymous

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
~Shirley Temple

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.
~Carol Nelson

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
~Erma Bombeck

Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts. ~Anonymous

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
~Unknown

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
~Anonymous

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.
~Janice Maeditere

Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve. Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age. ~Carrie Latet

A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world!
~ Charles Dickens

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
~Larry Wilde

People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
~Ogden Nash

Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity
~ Don Cupitt

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
~W. C. Fields

Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.
~ Gary Allan

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.
~ Henry Youngman

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
~ Shirley Temple



I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.
~Harlan Miller

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
~Frank McKinney Hubbard

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
~Johnny Carson

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.
~Mary Ellen Chase

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
~Victor Borge

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
~Bernard Manning


From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
~Katharine Whitehorn

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
~Victor Borge

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
~Phyllis Diller