Funny Love Quotes

Here are some funny love quotes that you could use to poke fun of your best friends who just ditched a best friend for a lover. :)

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
~ Agatha Christie

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
~ Groucho Marx

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
~ Oscar Wilde

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.
~ Gracie Allen

Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.
~George Bernard Shaw

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
~ Anonymous


A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
~ Mae West

All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
~ Shelley Winters


Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
~ Henry Kissinger

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
~ Bette Midler

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
~ Steve Martin


When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you.
And she never did.
~ James Fineous McBride


The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
~Anonymous

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
~ W. Somerset Maugham

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
~ Joan Crawford

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
~Cathy Carlyle

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
~ Joan Rivers


Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely.
~ Basta

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
~ Cher

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
~ Joyce Brothers

True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.
~ La Rochefoucauld

I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands.
~ Dudley Moore

The only people who make love all the time are liars.
~ Louis Jordan

It is impossible to love and be wise.
~ Francis Bacon

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.
~ Marcelene Cox

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
~ Fulton J. Sheen

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
~ George Carlin


Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred
~Unknown

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
~Josh Billings

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
~ Anonymous